L.A. Guns

L.A. Guns

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Jesus Christ – I forgot all about this one! LA Guns playing the Hard Rock Cafe – oh, how the mighty have fallen!

There MIGHT have been 60 people at this show, and more than a few were folks like me, who were fans from back in the day, but were now rubbernecking an accident waiting to happen.

It was all so, so wrong. Playing a cheesy 1980’s themed restaurant in the most boring part of Washington…. parking a massive tour bus out in front of the venue to try and sell more tickets ….having the band wait in the bus because there was no backstage area for them…and then watching the band make their entrance to the show through the front door of the restaurant. It seems comical now, but it was totally sad to watch, especially because the guys had a massive chip on their shoulders about the circumstances of this gig. Tracii Guns and his wig made some dumb joke about how the crowd was making him feel like his dick was the size of his cigarette. (Funny stuff, there, Tracii. Let’s hope Slash doesn’t steal THAT from you, too.)

Either way, I can’t entirely blame him for being pissed. Honestly, was it too much trouble to get them booked at JAXX? It’s safe to say that someone in the Spitfire Records offices got an earful for this.

Oddly enough, the band wasn’t half bad, but they absolutely insisted on playing mostly new material. (In fact, I know they played a few classics, but the only one I can remember right now was "The Ballad of Jayne").

By far, the most memorable moment of the evening was when Phil Lewis did some rock and roll showbiz rap into the microphone, then pretended to introduce "Sex Action." Naturally, everyone cheered. Then he stared at us, smirked and announced, "Well you didn’t pay shit to get in here, so you aren’t hearing that tonight."

I’ve seen a lot of shows and I’ve known a ton of musicians. But I’ve never seen a performer do anything quite so douche bag as Phil did on that night at the Hard Rock Cafe.

Dickhead.